Pope Francis to give up traditional Papal boxers, favoring austere lifestyle

Setting a new precedent, the newly elected simple living Catholic leader opted out from wearing traditional holy boxer shorts.

The gold-coated Papal Boxers – Biancheria intima di papa – is part of the Papal regalia, the official items of attire and decoration proper to the Pope. According to the Vatican, the two millennia old golden papal boxers are fastened by 3 silk buttons recalling the years of the public life of Christ and has a Papal emblem embroidered on it.

Traditionally, up on a reigning Pope’s death or resignation, the pope’s chief of staff, or camerlengo, is in charge of acquiring the Papal Boxers along with the Papal gold ring. While the gold ring is destroyed immediately, the Papal Boxers are washed in Holy water, ironed using a Holy Iron box, and transferred to the next Pope on the day of his Coronation.


“(My) God doesn’t live inside gold-plated temples” – Francis I (Photo © CC-Catholic church (England and Wales)/Flicker)

However, keeping the camerlengo and cardinals in awe, the newly elected Pope—who dedicated to a simple life, famously took public transportation back home in Buenos Aires, slept with homeless women and ate spaghetti sans sauce — expressed his detest in wearing a luxurious underwear.

“(My) God doesn’t live inside gold-plated temples,” said the Holy man when asked about his chivalrous decision. Thus making him the first Freeballer Pope, in addition to being the first South American Pope and the first Jesuit Pope in history.

So what exactly does Pope Francis wear? According to Luka Bellucci, the chief camerlengo, “Pope will wear a fancy hand-stitched white wool cassock with white cape and wide silk sleeves. Over the cassock he will wear the classic burgundy red mozzetta, a short elbow-length cape worn by high prelates for formal occasions, and a gold-embroidered stole”.

On top of that, he will be wearing a traditional golden hat and red Prada shoes when sitting on the golden throne in St Peter’s Basilica. “The Papal attire is not just gold-coated fabrics, it is a strong binding force of faith for millions,” said the Vatican spokesperson addressing a group of international reporters. “For Catholics, it is as important and elaborate as the Miss America attire for Americans.”

When repeatedly asked whether the austere lifestyle favoring Pope Francis will be using his infallible Papal iPad to communicate with followers on twitter while travelling in his bulletproof golf cart wielding his golden staff, the Vatican Spokesperson yelled “Holy Shit” and quit the press conference in fury.

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