U.S. Senate tables bill to ban John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’

More than 40 years after its conception, John Lennons’s classic track ‘Imagine’ is still stirring nationwide controversy. In the ongoing senate session, the republican candidate from Texas Senator Lee Tiralo argued that Lennon’s magnum opus has ‘inflammatory lyrics’ with a potential to ‘stir up major political conflicts’ particularly in the strife prone Middle East.

“The lines, Imagine there’s no countries, would incite unnecessary tension in the already volatile Israel-palestine zone.” He adds, “the opening lines Imagine there’s no heaven, are outrightly, impudently blasphemous.” According to the senator, “this is just another example of Lennon’s extremely subtle contradictory style:  as if heaven were a product of imagination instead of being a solid fundamental reality.”

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The bill has found support in various quarters. The National Rifle Association has hailed this bill. “We have been complaining since years about Lennon’s anti-freedom stance,” says Larry Prattle, chief of the NRA. “The rifle is the emblem of a free man. Lennon’s lines nothing to kill or die for, disregard American citizens’ right to self-defence.”

The Wall Street also welcomed this bill as an important step in a continuing war against anti-capitalist propaganda. “Who would want a world without possessions?” says media mogul and noted philanthropist Donald Trump referring to the song lyrics Imagine no possessions. “Possessions are what define us,” agrees fifth avenue designer Staccoci, ‘specially clothes.’  Stacocci had already launched a blog on the all time worst-dressed rock stars and “John Lennon and Yoko, with their flowing tresses and white pyjamas” definitely take first place.

In all this brouhaha, Smooth, the toilet paper manufacturer has decided to withdraw its spring ad campaign. According to a spokesperson who refused to be identified, the images of sprouting greenery and a blonde model  blowing bubbles holding a ball of toilet paper,  swishing to the tunes of ‘Imagine’ can no longer be considered appropriate. “We apologize for offending religious and materialistic sentiments.”  Sources say the company has yet to decide on the new soundtrack; Mozart’s fifth symphony and the internet sensation Gangnam style have been reported to be the likely contenders. “These  tunes have the twin characteristics of being incomprehensible as well as catchy and are, thus, relatively safer bets”, says the spokesperson.

On another note, this controversy has directly impacted Lennon’s reputation as a champion of universal peace and album sales. Apple records registered a 500% increase in sale of the original 1971 album as well as the 2000 remastered version since the presentation of the bill.

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Freelance Writer

4 Comments

  1. rodgerma says:

    Great writeup.
    “Nothing to kill or die for” is a horrendous statement, showing a total lack of ambitions.

  2. Lennon Rulz says:

    Wonderful job :D

    Listened to it again…

  3. Basha says:

    haha.. nice move :)

  4. William! says:

    Imagine how many stupidassed “debates” I got into over this song, during my years in church… and how many of those [PARENTAL ADVISORY]s would read this and go “It’s about time!”