In the latest ascension of rhetoric against its neighbor and the US, North Korea has warned the Americans to stay away from playing cheap war games and vicious tricks against the great nation.
The Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) has reported on Sunday that a US war plan to attack DPRK has leaked by the North Korean Secret Service. According to the leaked report, Americans are preparing to deploy five companies of Salvation Army Commandos over Pyongyang, the coming weeks.
The announcement came alongside a cautionary warning from the Supreme leader asking his comrades to be vigilant about a possible Salvation Army attack. “They are bad motherfuckers capable of pissing off everyone in this country,” said Kim Jong-un on his daily briefing to the nation.
As reported by the KCNA, a previous plan by the Americans to send hundreds of Catholic priests to DPRK to molest young boys was made dysfunctional by a timely coup d’état in Vatican, pulled by the Supreme Leader. Along the same lines, on Sunday, the North Korean National Newspaper devoted an entire page to describe how their Supreme leader pulled strings to replace the CIA-friendly Pope with a Junta-friendly Pope in the Holy See.
According to noted political experts in Pyongyang, it is not surprising that the Americans are playing cheap tricks to win the war. “They lost in Vietnam. They failed to get oil from Iraq and Poppy seeds from Afghanistan. They don’t have money for medical care or even good food. Half of the Americans are under-weight,” said Jong Chan, a senior Military official and political adviser, to The Wadiyan.
However, as per Jong Chan, the ordinary citizens in Pyongyang are generally sympathetic about the American state of affairs. The state-run Internet allows North Koreans to watch selected U.S. websites like Facebook, where millions of desperate Americans post photos of their cat. “They look lost,” said Chan.
“Clearly, a broke, double-dip recession awaiting country can not fight a gentleman’s war with the DPRK,” explained the KCNA news reader on state TV.
In addition, the news anchor disclosed to the nation that, according to the Korean Book of World Records, the Supreme leader holds the record for having the biggest Penis in the world. “It is so huge that you can see it from the sky. It can flood the entire United States with a single cum,” warned the reporter.