Poll: One-third of Americans believe Obama not spanking Michelle enough

Despite overwhelming evidence and testimonials about the American roots and Christian faith of the President, roughly one-third of the registered voters in the U.S. do not believe that Obama spanking Michelle enough to discipline her, according to a national poll released Friday by the firm Average American Polling (AAP).

“If you are a true American husband who is the head of the house and a good Christian who sets a Christian example, there have been times when you had to give your wife a good old-fashioned spanking to help her,” says John Butts, a member of the South Western Baptist Church, Texas. “But I don’t think Mr. Obama has enough control over his family. He ain’t no American.”

Sara Butts, wife of Mr. John Butts agrees with her husband. “Colossians 3:18 says, Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” Sara, who has graduated with a BSc in Homemaking from the South Western Baptist College, argues that there is a double standard in some cultures, where a man is allowed to spank his kids, but not his wife.

obama spanking michelle

“A true American is expected to love, protect and discipline his family when needed, and that includes his wife.”

The automated telephone poll asked more than 30 American registered voters their beliefs on a wide range of topics broadly categorized as “first family.” When asked, “Do you believe that the first lady is a feminist, or not?” 35% of Americans said they do, while 55% said they do not. Ten percent of those surveyed said they don’t give a fuck.

“Generally, Americans are not convinced about whether the President is having a Christian marriage or not,” observes Lawrence Gould, Consulting Psychiatrist at the Texas Medical Centre. “I have counseled many Americans who believe that [Obama’s] marriage is fake and it is a clean Manchurian set up to acquire power.” Says Dr. Gould.

The AAP poll also asked questions on various topics ranging from the belligerent to the inscrutable. Seven percent of those polled believed that “Michelle is actually a man and they have adopted kids from Kenya to trick the American public.”

One in five Americans agreed that there is a genealogical link between Barack Hussein Obama and Saddam Hussein. Bizarrely, 32% of Americans agree that the killing of Bin Laden is a story made up by Obama to win the election, and “the real Osama Bin Laden is driving a cab in New York City wearing a yellow turban and white beard”.

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